the end

The last day of our trip was bittersweet.
We had made up.
I had discovered new things, realized old things and felt resolute.
And my guy next door is never one to push.

Sitting along in a hotel room in a city far from home, makes one think and wonder about what life you left behind. And most people will disagree when I say that when I swore before God and the Musician that I would be there til' death parted us, but it's my truth. It's something I can't walk away from or compromise. No one seems to understand that it's not over yet concerning me and my Musician...it's just not.

I felt so blessed riding high in Trav's big blue truck, going down the highway, singin' and laughing...because I have never found friendship or love like I found there either. So don't think that my decision to come home was easy...it wasn't. It hurt like hell actually...and I felt like I was cheating myself...but I know ultimately I wouldn't be happy there either. It's funny how I know that. It's probably Grandma sayin' so from somewhere beyond. :)

In either case, that love is laid to rest.
And I have no regrets.

I have gotten a lot of email concerning martial-affairs, and adultery and that whole ball of wax...I don't know where I stand really. I know for myself I couldn't bring myself to do that...even having the chance. I couldn't do it. Not to say that it was because it was wrong...no. I just couldn't make that choice for myself...I know some people can and do and their world turns right around. :)
When it's all said and done for me...I just had to love. Love myself, love my husband and love my friend enough to say, "hey, it's not going to work, because I met someone else first." Probably the hardest thing I've ever said to someone I cared about. But it's said and the chips are falling where they're supposed to. :)

This story is finished for sure. I wrote most of it out of my journal of thoughts and wonderings and real life happenings. I hope you enjoyed it, even if it was written to be suspenseful and sad and full of longing.