chains fall off

Everything is squared away.
The knots won't leave my stomach alone.
It's not like I haven't taken a week off before.

Once, shortly after the Musician cheated on me, I left him for 2 weeks. I had the kids and granted he could find me if he needed me...but I was 'off'.

This is different.
It's not like a lie exactly.
It is time off.

I had sent the kids to grandma, and made enough meals to last an army a winter. The Musician would be fine as I went "off" for a week and took a break.
I think I feel bad because I'm not going alone.
If he knew, would he object?
Of course stupid.
Argh. Just be quiet.
I need this...can't you see that?
Yeah, like you need a bullet in your foot.

All my bags are packed.
I'm ready to go.
I sit. I wait.
I sigh.
Time to go.

He's waiting outside the door.
His handsome face is glowing in the morning sunlight. Autumn light.
He's taking my backpack and putting it in the truck.
The knots tighten tighter.
My breath seems stuck in my throat.
Why am I so scared?

I climb in and smell the leather.
"Are you ready to do this?" He's smiling.
I think I'm smiling back.
We pull out and my heart slows down as we make it out of the city and onto 'open road'.
The radio is going.

My mind clears...
Is this what it would be like?
He's smiling ear to ear.
My head is everywhere, thinking, seeing, processing.
His hand reaches for mine.

I sigh.
Home.
Familiar.
Safe.